So yesterday I woke up feeling weird and not myself. I was seriously shaken by what was going on in my head and the affects were making me feel very vulnerable. I woke up feeling extremely nervous. Nervous to wear my body was getting this wave-like rush every couple of minutes. I mean, I slept all night, didn’t need coffee, had a great breakfast. The moment I picked up my purse it hit me like a ton of bricks. The intense sensations just got worse. The drive to work was a weird one, I felt like I had taken an allergy pill and was getting so sleepy. Honestly the drive wasn’t memorable. I got to work before anyone else and called my daddy. I knew he could help me. So I called and told him exactly what was going on and he asked if I was depressed. How could I be depressed? I’m getting married in 9 days, (that was yesterday, today its 8 days away) and told him no. I’m happy about all this. Then we talked about how stress can trigger an emotion of depression and it last a day or hours. Well the moment I said I was on the verge of tears, I lost it. I was crying and freaking out that I couldn’t stop. Not being in control was my weakness. I wasn’t in control of what was going on. I managed to calm down before I went into work. I prayed that I would just get through this, not be affected by all of this stress.
I think I know what made this happen. I honestly have not be able to feel like I’m getting married. I’ve been stressed, but thats due to planning and family members, I’ve been nervous only about details. Yesterday I actually felt like I was getting married in a couple of days. I finally got a grip on all of this and getting married is a big deal. I’m allowing myself to feel this. How I described it to Zach was, “I felt this way at my high school graduation. It was a good case of nerves, you know where your stomach is flipping and you just get jittery.” He looked at me like I was crazy. The last time I felt this way was earlier this year when I graduated college. It felt like high school graduation all over again, I like those case of the nerves. This is just 100% more intense. I’m not sad about getting married, I’m thrilled. I have this amazing man who wants to marry me and be with him for the rest of our lives. He even puts up with my bribing for foot rubs.
Well after work it was Girls on The Run and what a coincidence we talked about emotional health. This was the answer of my prayer. A chance to express what type of feelings I was dealing with. Needless to say the emotions of a 3rd-5th grader are not the same as a 22 year old woman. But with similarities we all feel sad, happy, excited, nervous..a lot of the girls felt glamourous and rockstar. Its just something that really helped me with all this wedding planning. My GOTR is an escape in my hectic life.
All it takes is that feeling that your prayers were answered. God answered mine by letting me have the chance to express emotions to some awesome young girls. I had a chance to teach on what some feelings are and how you can fix or embrace them. I leave you with a picture I took on the way to work.
It was my heart saying, “He is right there. You can capture Him and always turn to Him for your answer.”