A while back I wanted to go to this little 5K here in Savannah. I mean its super close to my house, well its on the way to Tybee Island. Thats like 40 minutes from my house. That means I’d have to get up at 6:00 am! No way. Also I’d have to eat breakfast, give myself time to get ready, and head out the door alone. Zach would never get up that early to drive with me to a race. With all this going on in my head I figured I’d just save myself the cash and not do it.
Little did I know (or remember?) that my dad and Erin were coming down this weekend so it works out perfectly. Because trust me, the race was at a fort and my dad would NEVER want to leave! And its a trail run, I’ve never done that before, I know there is a first for everything. See how all of this coming together? So many great excuses NOT to race. But something was making me a little sad.
Deep down, I really want to race. I really wanted it. With what has been going on in my personal life, I needed this release. I may not discuss everything on here, for one to keep me sane. But somethings are a little too complicated or personal to post on the internet. So I don’t. But racing would get out this livid emotion out of my system. I run 3 times a week, and thats emotional as well. I focus on the wedding situation that is stressing me to my wits end. I get super mad at myself. I feel ashamed for not finishing how I wanted or how I quit to take a 10 second walk break. Oh and my music isn’t helping. When Adele’s “Someone Like You” comes on I start to cry and get pissed at the pavement. I’m sure the other runners here in Georgetown think I’m crazy.
My run this morning was intense and raw. Every emotion I have was pushing me to run hard. Harder than I have in a while. But this run was exhausting. Not physically but emotionally. Tonight when my dad gets in town we are dealing with the wedding situation. Yes, at night time because its that serious that we are allowed to arrive up to 11 pm. So that kept creeping up and taking over my happy mood. I finished in good time. I finished strong. I finished exhausted and wanting to throw in the towel with all of this. But I chose to look at myself and say, “you are better than this!”
As I was dripping in sweat (literally on my knees, I took a picture to prove it) I just sat on my porch and prayed. I can’t even remember what I asked for, but I remember it was draining. In a good way. I asked for the toxic situation to be done, and for this to be resolved quickly. I think I asked for a better run too, maybe a happy mood one? I don’t know. It was just tiring. I honestly feel nauseous thinking about all of this.
I knew when I started this blog it would contain absolutely everything that comes in and out of my life. From food, exercise, health, wedding planning, stress, and happy moments. There are some great, happy posts and then there are some like this. In between is sometimes more real and not to “my posts are always happy and that means my life is super great!” No Barbie coating it today.
But I really can’t wait to see my dad. I saw Erin on Sunday at my shower, but didn’t have time to see my daddy. I’m such a busy lady (or at least I like to pretend). He is also bringing the pups! I am so excited to see my dogs, Bonnie and Onyx. They are both dysfunctional in the most hilarious way.
See told ya, sweat literally running down from my knee. Its probably gross I felt I needed to share. But gotta show off sometimes 😉
*And tomorrow is GAMEDAY! (another great reason not to race!) So flipping excited to see my Clemson Tigers play! The love I have for them is real and deep and probably freaky to some, but I love my Tigers.