This week has been my hardest by far in the entire time living in Orlando. Zach and I have been dealing with a hardship on only having one car. I know, it sounds so snobby but we have entirely different schedules, so having to work around 100% of each other has been hard. He has school way early in the morning, I’m talking he has to leave our apartment at 4:30 am. His class starts at 5:30 am. The hard thing is I have to be at my externship site at 9:30 am. This wouldn’t be hard if I had a car! I had to rely on a classmate to pick me up for the first two days this week. Sadly, it didn’t get past the two days. So I’ve been home feeling awful on being the worst student ever. I wanted to go so bad to help out and learn little tips in the real baking world. Unfortunately that didn’t happen.
Needless to say I am a little ticked off. I’m stuck in a situation I can’t change. I’m so tired of people “offering” advice on what I need to do. Don’t you think I’m already thought or tried that? Do you think I just sit at my apartment wasting my time away and not doing anything productive towards getting a new car? I’m not trying to sound mean or hurt anyone’s feelings, but I’m just almost at my boiling point with everyone. I too would love to be the only student at the bakery and I would love to drive myself everywhere I want to go. It’s just past the point of forgiving someone for what they’ve said to me. This week has just gone down the crapper. I’m losing points for my externship class for not going.
I’m getting depressed from being at the house all the time. I call and call and CALL the insurance company and get no response or even a returned phone call. Yes, I leave voice mails like no bodies business. Zach has been trying to help so much too. He was picking me up from the bakery with no complaints. Now, the new problem is I will have a ride to the bakery, just no way of getting home. His new BMW schedule is 1 pm-8 pm. The bakery closes at 5:30 pm. Awesome. So now I’m still in the same situation. I’m praying 4 to 5 times a day, even before I head towards the mail box. I’m just waiting for the check so Zach and I can get me a car. We look and look at cars too. We find one that is so perfect and then it sales. So we have to keep looking. The start of October is not looking too good. Already I’ve been sad, have cried once or twice about a car. I’m feeling so down and out that I can’t even eat something healthy. I’ve been living off cupcakes and Diet Cokes. Yes I deserve to drink my Diet Cokes and enjoy them without feeling guilty. I haven’t even been doing my workouts. I’m not typing this as a cry for help either.
I’m simply venting my feelings towards everyone. And no, I will not apologize for what is said. I’ve been nice to people my whole life, have been there for everyone I love and care about and now when I need encouragement or something so I’m not feeling alone on this. I wish my family was here. I wish I could just see someone dear to my heart [not that Zach isn’t enough]. Right now he is being my backbone, my shoulder to lean and cry on. I’m starting to have the same feelings I had when my parents first separated. Not that this is the same problem, but the same emotional feelings are coming back. I’m trying not to let it get to me. I’m focusing on everything else during the day to not think about myself.
I’m trying to think like Charlotte on Sex and The City: The Movie. I’m wanting to be happy at least once during my day, not all day but at least once. I have faith God will make something great happen. I have put my entire hope in his hands and what he plans for us will be right for us. Oh, and Zach’s car is now being a butt. His check-engine light came on yesterday. He ran the code and its the thermostat sensor and thermostat. Not the cheapest fix on a car. I hope at least my Clemson Tigers win today. That has to bring some sort of smile to my day. And one of my best friends, she is like a sister gave me great news this week. I’m so happy for her and love her so much! Here is hoping my weekend turns out for the best and a new car will be parked in front of our apartment before my birthday in 2 weeks 🙂